Black Men: Stop Telling Us How Much You Love Them and Hate Us

In the words of Sister Solange, I got a lot to be mad about.

Here we go. Here we go again with an irrelevant black man making some dumb ass comments about black women.

Trick Daddy, set yo’ ashy ass down over there and don’t come back.

I got a lot to be mad about, but I ain’t mad about this incident or this played-out person saying some off-the-cuff stuff that we’ve all heard before. I’m mad that there are a lot of black men out there who actually agree with what this dude was talking about. This mentality that if us black women don’t straighten up and act right, then all the white women and the Asian women and the Latina women will take our men.

For you fools who believe this, they can have y’all. #bye

bye wave hey goodbye blackgirlmagic

If you’re a black man, and you want to date or sleep with women outside of your race, you are more than welcome to do so. You should be able to do so. You should absolutely date whoever you want because love is love is love, and you have the right to love whoever you want (and marry them too, especially since marriage between black people and white people in the United States has been legal since 1967). Let’s make this clear: There is nothing wrong with interracial relationships — my paternal grandparents were in an interracial relationship. And, hell, I think everybody should date outside of their race at least once. If you can’t find somebody with skin the same shade as yours, you better expand your options. You’d be a fool not to.

Here’s the issue: Some black men — emphasis on the some — validate their decision to date non-black by degrading their own women. Some black men feel as though continuing to promote the stereotypes that we as black women battle every single day is OK since they ain’t loving on us anymore. Newsflash, fella: No one cares that you are with someone whose skin is a different color. NO ONE CARES. And if someone does care, they need to get a life.

Moral of the story: Your preference for or love of women of a different ethnicity should not be your excuse to disrespect your own women.

You don’t get to thrust your bad personal experiences with black women on all of us. You don’t get to blame your lack of ability to select the right type of women with whom to surround yourself on all of us. You don’t get to demean all of us because you have a problem with the skin your black mama gave you, with the skin that your granny and your auntie and your sister and your nieces and your daughter have. You don’t get to call all of us ghetto or fat or ugly or nappy-headed. You don’t get to say that all of us have no goals, multiple baby daddies, and ambitions of good weave, rich niggas, Jordans for our kids, “red bottoms” and designer bags.

You don’t get to fucking tell us to “act right.” You don’t get to tell us that we need to be like somebody else. (And how dare you tell us to be like somebody else in the first place? Especially when everybody is so busy trying to be like us.)

I know so many black people — men and women — in interracial relationships who never talk about the non-blackness of their significant other because what’s more important is the actual human being and their love for him or her. They don’t see their partner as a token because, ultimately, he or she is just a person who just so happens to be of a different ethnicity. The more you brag about your preference in non-black women while disrespecting the black woman, the more you make these non-black women a token — not someone you actually love, but someone you view as a thing, someone who confirms your simplistic views of women in general and someone who reaffirms your self-hate.

I got a lot to be mad about.

Black women have a lot to be mad about.

And yet even in that upset, we’re still on the front lines when the injustices prevail against you because that shit gets way too fucking real, and we feel it.

Yeah, there are some shitty women out there who only care about social media likes and butt injections and boobs and full faces of makeup everywhere they go and niggas with money and good weaves and dropping their kids off to their mamas every other day of the week and stunting on Section 8 and getting high, but the reality is that shitty women come in all ethnicities. And if you’re a shitty man, chances are, you’re more likely to find one of these shitty women, no matter what color she is.

So, stop being shitty. And upgrade your values. Understand that those who you encounter are individuals and should be viewed as such. Being a black man doesn’t give you the leeway to degrade or generalize us. Recognize that if it were not for us, you would not be here.

We created you.

And we fucking deserve respect.